I know that a lot of you gaze in interest as you peek over the half wall and see us SOBs hard at work. You stare at MOfferman dripping with sweat and crushing up malt in his bad boy cargo shorts and muscle tee. It’s foxy.
You stare down Tim, riding around on his sexy beast of a forklift in his vibrant, blue, rubber boots. And John, in his unnecessarily stylish Diesel jeans that are worn in all the right places, scrubbing those filthy kegs ‘til they sparkle. You think Paul manages to look even more brilliant as he rinses the floor, hose in hand, with a soft head-bob to Ke$ha.
Sometimes you just don’t know it all. I know this because I am one rockin’ eavesdropper.
I love listening to people’s private conversations. Washing glasses in the taproom gives me the perfect opportunity to tune in to your intimate chatter; I look focused while I’m rinsing away yet I’m totally listening to your every word. TLC’s “Creep” is my jam. Aside from hearing about how your beloved hamster just died or how you strongly believe Justin Bieber is prettier than those guys in One Direction, a lot of what I hear is beer talk and a lot of what you say is bullshit. Let me clear some things up for you.
If you had told me five years ago I would be managing a taproom at a brewery, I would have laughed in your face. I just graduated high school and had begun my first year at Columbia College in Chicago, majoring in fashion design. When I turned twenty-one, my beer of choice was Coors Light. What can I say? I was a sucker for the blue mountains.
Luckily, I had older friends with more sophisticated palates. They shared different beers with me. It didn’t take long before I fell head over heels for some hoppy brews. I tried every type of beer I could get my hands on. Sometimes dinner would consist of a rather pricey beer alongside some ramen. I spent my money wisely.
She has charmed us with her dancing skills time and time again, and her bubbly persona never fails to conjure up a smile on even the most evil of human beings’ faces. Heck, even when Sarah upchucks due to her intake of bad meatloaf, we still feel giddy just being in her vomity presence. Her quirky antics make all of us chuckle on a regular basis and they ended up landing her a job here at Solemn Oath.
Thanks to Apartment Number 9 and Michael Kiser of Good Beer Hunting, you can now take a look inside our brewery walls from the comfort of your couch. These stylish folks strive to spread all aspects of Chicago craft culture and we love them for it.
If you frequent the taproom on the weekend, you’re well aware by now that you just may have to wait your turn in line in order to enter the Solemn walls. That’s because more people want to inhabit our space and take in the good vibes than is legally safe at a given time.
Hypothetically, if there were a flash fire that set our taproom walls ablaze, we often have the maximum number of people inside that would probably be able to make it out safely. Probably.
Believe or not, that tall, lanky, shoulder-length blonde man from the taproom–the one who likes to break out the Destiny’s Child at the end of the night–is not spoken for. Yes, it’s shocking he hasn’t been snatched up yet, but Lou really is single.
One night, as we were closing down the taproom, I asked Lou a simple and direct question, “What are you looking for in a soulmate, Lou?”