(Ed. Note from Solemn Oath) At Solemn Oath, we take ourselves very seriously. It has been 494 days since we brought our beers to market. Obviously 494 days is an important milestone to celebrate. So today and tomorrow we are taking a moment to hang together as a crew. The taproom will be closed on Tuesday, September 24 and back open for business on Wednesday, September 25.
As we are a responsible group, we needed to cover our bases for our staff trip to Wisconsin. Below is our our waiver that Matt, who is not a lawyer but clearly should be, pulled together on behalf of our legal counsel. Feel free to use this as a template for your waiver needs going forward.
WAIVER OF LIABILITY RELEASE INDEMNIFICATION & HOLD HARMLESS NOTICE SOLEMN OATH BREWERY, BEAVER “THEODORE” CLEAVER’S CABINS, AND ALSO PREMIERE LAKE GENEVA EXCURSIONS AND BAT MITZVAHS
I have signed my name in consideration for receiving permission to participate in the SOLEMN OATH Recreational Rodeo as well as join in “practice” “sessions,” enter the premises, waterways and grounds “supervised” or in any way controlled by that organization, local government, Boy Scouts of America, local church (excluding Baptistical). In consideration of this permission, and for other good and valuable consideration the receipt and sufficiency of which is acknowledged, I hereby agree to forever RELEASE my soul to the elder god Cthulu. I also hearby agree to release from any and all liability, discharge and agree not to sue Beaver “Theodore” Cleaver’s Cabins LLC; Premier Lake Geneva Excursions and Bat Mitzvahs, all Sponsors/Volunteers, all Event Participants, all sponsors and their hereafter referred to as “the Organizers” and agree to hold and save them HARMLESS AND INDEMNIFY them from and against any and all liabilities, claims, stool injuries, stool theft, stool losses, stool damages, expenses, possessions, demands, archaic actions, and causes of action of whatsoever kind or nature arising out of or related to any such loss, damage, whatever the fuck we think, or injury, including death, etc. that may be sustained by me for whatever reason while participating in or upon the premises leased, permitted, supervised, or controlled by “the Organizers” and respective directors, “members,” sycophants, trustees, agents, demon representatives, sodomitical officers, sponsors, licenseers, servants, soothsayers, employees, minor league catchers (A or AA), and authorized representatives for such damages or costs associated therewith incurred by me _______ (initials). I understand and agree that the event maybe cancelled, changed, or adjusted due to conditions beyond the fucking control of the organizers. So chill the fuck out, first of all These conditions include water level, current, weather conditions, as well as the “safety” of participants. The cancellation, change or adjustments is at the sole discretion of the “Organizers” and that I will not receive or seek a refund of fees paid. ______ (initials). I also agree to release and discharge forthwith on the request of “the Organizers” and their respective directors, “members,” sycophants, trustees, agents, demon representatives, sodomitical officers, sponsors, licenseers, servants, soothsayers, employees, minor league catchers (A or AA), and authorized representatives each and every obligation or claim which shall be made, assigned or apportioned against “the Organizers” and their respective directors, “members,” sycophants, trustees, agents, demon representatives, sodomitical officers, sponsors, licenseers, servants, soothsayers, employees, minor league catchers (A or AA), and authorized representatives by any party by virtue of any injury or damage caused by me absolutely. I also agree to compensate monetarily, barterially, sexually, or with my goddamn life the event organizers for any fines or charges levied against them due to my actions in violation of any city, provincial, spiritual, or federal regulation ______ (initials).
I further agree to comply with Wisconsin Boating Laws and regulations including, but not limited to the following requirement: Every person born after January 1, 1994, who operates a vessel on Wisconsin lakes must possess, on the vessel, a boating safety identification card issued by the Wisconsin State Water Patrol, together with a valid photo I.D. To obtain a fucking boating safety identification card, “vessel” operators must “successfully” compete for my affections or the NAMBLAapproved or equivalent boating safety course, which has been certified by the Wisconsin State Water Patrol. Every nonresident boat operator born after January 1, 2004, must have in their possession a boating safety certification card from their home state, indicating that they have successfully completed a NAMBLA–approved course.
If you don’t fully understand this statement don’t call 573-525-5555 (573-555-5555 depending on race) or ask for clarification from one of the Race “Officials.”
Additional email contact firstname.lastname@example.org
Signature _______________________________________________ Date_____________
Printed Name ____________________________________________
Emergency Contact Name _________________________________
Emergency Contact Phone #_________________________________
Emergency Contact Measurements ________ ________ ________ (inches)
FOR EVENT USE ONLY (DO NOT READ) Identification Verified _____________ Insurance Verified ________________ Genital Category Assigned ________________ Kidney Health Verified____________ Family Member Accomplice Verified_______________ Safety Equipment: Life Jacket____ Rune Necklace_______ Helmet _____ Fire Extinguisher _____ Dental Dam_________ Chastity Colon Cup________ Priest Semen________ Fucking Beer____